Searching for Joy

Searching for joy we step out each morning.
We open our eyes and yearn for the same things since time began.
I'm dangerous coz I'm a villain.
I swim amongst you. Choosing which illusion to violate.

It is the classical Villainous Hero’s internal conversation...

Villain: Love is fear, fool. Fear depletes your personal power. When you have no fear, anything is possible. Let go of love to let go of fear. And in the absence of love you will find glory.

Hero:  I am a shepherd of these half-wild people.  These people need a chance to live their own lives and not be swept up in our grandiose plans. They are wild and you wish to tame them. And I will not let you.

Villain: Oh. But my villainous plan includes you and your heroism. So I would not stop you.

Hero: But I would stop you.

Villain: Said the pawn to the chess player; the placebo to the doctor.

Hero: You lack courage.

Villain: I had the courage to let go of love.

Hero: You’ve got it all wrong, villain. It takes courage to love. Not to let go.

Villain: Look at you! Bound to a myriad of petty ethics and often conflicting morals. Who drew these silly lines of good and bad? How am I bad? I just want to help them reach their... full potential...

Hero: You mean your full potential. But your downfall is that you serve yourself. And true glory is in the service of others.

Villain: Do you have to love them to serve them?

Hero: Ye-

Villain: -And I am serving them! Imagine what they could achieve with a bit more... order. This chaos of pointless lives lived and lost is unbearable.

Hero (grinning): Some of us thrive in chaos. (then pensive) Some say life is chaos.

Villain: What kind of hero argues anarchy? Are you not the protector of order?

Hero: No. I protect freedom-

Villain: -Ah, that bitter pill, f-f-freedom. It seems the active ingredient of that particular pill is responsibility! If you reject responsibility then freedom does not work. And as soon as you take responsibility then glory beckons as loud as the sunrise.

Hero: You are the fool. Love and glory are the same.

Villain (shouting): They are not!

Hero (shouting too): Yes they are!

Villain: They are not!

Hero: Yes! They! Are!

(fighting ensues)

I'm a douche

i will not always be tactful enough in communication to avoid sounding like a self absorbing douche.

I need a post-douche strategy.

mostly

mostly it just doesn't mean anything to me.
But it's funny.
And somewhat engaging.
Just don't ask me to take stuff seriously.

People die.
People cry.
But they're ok.
They're alive.

And loving every second.

the naked envy of lust

a transparent, gelatinous flower blossoms in my heart:
fear,
when i consider myself in the eyes of those i wish to keep near.

often life amongst people is difficult and I am clumsy.
while others have laboured to make it look easy,
i've remained clumsy.

but mediocrity murders those it comforts
like when i don't see the questions to my answers
and my answer is to go alone

trapped in my own mind like only the vain can be
isolated by what i know
all i can do is grow
and from the people i love accept each bone they throw.

and sometimes i write a poem.

Stick to weed

So I'm four beers and a quarter of a joint through when I stumble upon the "stick to weed" campaign concept. Right there. In my own mind. Staring at me like an angry tiger. Crazy huh? Anyway, so "Stick to Weed" is the slogan and the idea is to prevent drug abuse. Drugs dull the senses. Or rather confuse the sensual balance but. Thats what drugs do. This dulling may even induce synestheasia that manifest as hallucinations. But weed is the safest of them all. And we all sometimes feel the need to escape this terrible awareness. We sometimes need the sensual dullness. It helps us see different aspects of our own reality. It does. But too much sensual dullness leads to a horrible fate: social dysfunctionality... (what with us all being social creatures and all). Social affirmation is the food of the soul. Don't ever lose it. Even day to day, month to month employment becomes a drug that dulls the senses. Don't let it. Strive to be more than you were yesterday. Not by anyone's standards but your own. Build on the lessons of yesterday. And if you're gonna use drugs to dull the beautiful, decadent, hectic richness of life for a moment just to catch a breath and remember yourself in the maelstrom, then just stick to weed. Weed will do that for you without the drama of social dysfuntionality. The other drugs need special training. Which for the most part we do not have access to. So yeah. Stick to weed.

happiness is...

wondering what the people you love most think of you... and liking the answer...